Forced Retraction of My Son: I Said NO!

By Shaina D. C. © 2016

To the health care "professionals" who forcibly retracted my 9 month olds foreskin: I said no.

I told you I did NOT want you to do that to my son.

I asked for an alternative way to collect a urine sample. I did not consent.

Yet you did it not just once, but twice. After you failed the first time, you sent in a man to do it. After he demanded, I let him, and he told me that my son should have been circumcised because now he is susceptible to getting UTIs.

You said I should be retracting his foreskin often to clean it. You lied to me and said, "When I was young it was mandatory." You are a paramedic. You are approximately 10 years older than me. Yet it seems that you know absoluetly nothing about the normal intact penis and foreskin.

I asked if you were circumcised. You said yes, of course.  I wasn't even surprised. You told me it wouldn't hurt my son. You said, "It's just a little bit."

You lied to me.

I sat there crying while my son screamed in pain, while you ripped his foreskin back, in order to shove a catheter inside him.

Even though I said no. More than once.

You laid on top if my son to prevent him from kicking and flailing from the pain. Did you even wear gloves while you assaulted my son? It was all for nothing... The urine analysis came back perfect. No issues at all.

You lied when you said it would not hurt. Six days later, and my son's penis is still red and inflamed.

He still smacks my hand away if I try to touch it to inspect it. He still screams during every poopy diaper change. You hurt my son. For nothing. Even though I said no. He felt it. He still feels it.

You preyed and targeted an emotional mother, because you didn't agree with her. You guilted her for leaving her son intact, because your pride tells you that your penis is what every penis should look like. You assisted in preforming an unnecessary procedure, without consent from an infant's parent.

You perpetuated the myths used to scare parents into mutilating their baby boys.

I am not posting this to start a debate. I am posting this to inform parents that not every health care professional knows the proper way to care for an infant with an intact penis. I am posting this because I know I am not alone. My son is not alone. This happens daily in hospitals, and many people, including myself, are too scared to speak up again or louder. I regret sitting there in fear while these health care workers hurt my baby. I betrayed my son and I couldn't protect him from the people many think they are safe with...

~~~~~

Do NOT Retract and Prevention Physician Packs :

SavingSons.org/2015/07/retracting-clinician-information-pack.html

Do NOT Retract / Do NOT Circumcise Baby Bands & Intact Care Items for Hospitals Stays:
https://www.etsy.com/listing/502616895/do-not-retract-do-not-circumcise-baby?ref=shop_home_active_1

Intact Care Resource Page: 

DrMomma.org/2009/06/how-to-care-for-intact-penis-protect.html

UTI (urinary tract infection) Readings:

SavingSons.org/2014/11/uti-resource-page.html

SaveSave

Happy Father's Day! #DadsSavingSons

Have a special baby-saving dad in your life? Each year we celebrate dads who really make a difference in the lives of little ones around them (2013 / 2014 / 2015). This is your chance to celebrate a father and genital autonomy advocate you know and love ~ and maybe have him win a little something in the process.

Saving Our Sons invites you to share a picture and brief story of the father you know who stands up for the basic human right of genital autonomy. Email to SavingSons@gmail.com and we will add the son-saving dad in your life to the Real Men Save Babies album.

On Father's Day we will be drawing 10 winners from among submissions who will each win a "Thank you, Dad!" pack of advocacy items. Winners can select a favorite wristband, plus stickers or info cards to spread the #i2 love further in their communities.

Thank you to all the men and their loved ones this Father's Day who are making sure the next generation grows up with all they were born to have. ❤

If you would like to make a donation in honor of the special man in your life, we invite you to do so below or by sending via mail. We will ship "Thank you, Dad!" packs to everyone who donates on behalf of a dad (please feel free to specify wristband and stickers selection).

Saving Our Sons
P.O. Box 1302
VA Beach, VA 23451

SOS operates exclusively on a grassroots volunteer and donation basis, and we work hard to be at every baby and maternity expo across the U.S. that we are able to fund; to meet with thousands of expecting parents each month; to host free classes for expecting families; to daily respond to letters, calls and email in regards to intact care and circumcision cases; to send professional materials to physicians and nursing staff who are known to be retracting babies and children; and to make a positive, pro-intact presence at every event and demonstration we're able to host, to ensure this topic stays at the forefront of discussion and social change. SOS needs typically outweigh donations, so yours is especially appreciated and will be immediately put to real-life baby-saving use! 

2016 Winners
(Drawn at Random.org on Father's Day / Check back to see winners!)

Read these father's stories and more in the Real Men Save Babies album.

Winners: Please email SavingSons@gmail.com with your choice of wristband or button, stickers or info cards to plant around town, and your name and address for mailing.

*******

Jonathon Conte 1981-2016

I want people to be completely educated about the wide-ranging impact, both physical and physiological, as well as the psychological ramifications, of what this procedure is doing to men.

- Jonathon Conte​

The world has lost a gentle warrior, courageous activist, and beautiful friend. My heart bleeds with the loss of Jonathon Conte, and there are not enough 'right words' to say here in this moment.

He offered experienced wisdom to fellow advocates, steadfast action that never ceased to the movement, and gentle friendship to those blessed to know him. By his own account he was a "very private person" and chose to set aside his own pain for the sake of helping others and making this broken world a better place.

Jonathon joined us in D.C. for the first time several years ago during Genital Integrity Awareness Week​ (GIAW) -- taking the train all the way across the nation to avoid the flights -- and instantly became a powerful piece of the East Coast riptide making changes here. His leadership with the Bay Area Intactivists​ not only impacted individuals, parents, babies and future adults in Northern California, but dominoed across the U.S. and Canada, inspiring thousands and giving those new to the movement an example to learn from.

From before Facebook was 'the thing,' Jonathon was part of our small crew on Twitter disseminating intact information everywhere we were able. He was part of the group that came up with the #i2 hashtag to identify materials that were pro-intact; and from 2009 until early this year, I spoke with him almost daily. We discussed expos, events, opportunities, and how to rally people into action -- one of the most difficult things to do sometimes. He was a bedrock of support, a friend, encourager, and someone to bounce around original ideas with. He was creative (his unique artwork for GIAW flyers was fantastic!) and while stoically private, he loved deeply with an incredible heart.

Jonathon's last post on Facebook was to thank mothers on Mother's Day for keeping their children intact. The share of his post [https://www.facebook.com/SavingOurSons/posts/1198321450186974] reached over 40,000 people in one day, and as everything Jonathon did, he brought the perfect mix of sincerity, compassion, and seriousness to an issue that impacts so many - all of us, really - whether we want to believe it or not.

Jonathon always encouraged advocates to meet people where they are at in their activism and education. Morph your style and presentation to fit the audience for the sake of the goal: babies saved, genital cutting ended. Because of his flexibility and compassion, Jonathon was as effective at a maternity or baby expo booth as he was riding and rallying on the streets. His positive impact has been felt everywhere. And still, he did everything while carrying a deeply hurting heart, and chose to take his own life last night.

Marilyn Fayre Milos reflects, "Jonathon's pain was deep and he wasn't able to even talk about it. My heart is in great pain...witnessing the effect of what we do to our children...and the adults they become. Jonathon did all that he could to make the world better for the babies coming into it but he was not able to overcome the world into which he arrived."

Milos will be demonstrating in Jonathon's honor on the steps of the Capitol in Sacramento tomorrow. All in the area are welcome to join her. We will be in Washington D.C. for Worldwide Week of Genital Autonomy​, carrying on the torch that Jonathon lit so brightly through his every move here.

Ride free, sweet friend.

❤ Danelle

Listen to a little more of Jonathon's story:

More Men Speak

Michael Dulin, of Washington D.C., created the above graphic and writes:

Jonathon Conte spoke out for the basic human rights of all children. He knew that Genital Mutilation is what adults do to the bodies of healthy children. He knew that many people in our culture prefer to use the name of a doctor recommended procedure because [that word] masks the truth for them. He knew that the common, all too familiar, word is what allows a parent to make a thoughtless choice. He knew that the word is what exonerates them from all responsibility because, it is after all, a 'doctor's recommendation for cleaner, safer, and healthier' reasons. Have you noticed that when you use the euphemism - [that word] - the person you're speaking with is more then likely trying to defend their personal understanding of the euphemism, based on medicine and/or religion, (cleaner, safer, and healthier), rather than on the basis of a child's human rights? Jonathon was making a difference because he challenged people to THINK beyond their reliance on medicine and/or religion. He did this simply -- by calling what adults do to the bodies of healthy children Genital Mutilation.

Genital Integrity Awareness Week

Jonathon Conte speaks outside the AAP convention, 2012:

Genital Integrity Awareness Week

Jonathon was always leading at expos, and writing to us to seek out people who could lead at maternity and baby expos in cities where he could not otherwise be himself. He was at the core of beginning local efforts to duplicate Saving Our Sons action at the state and city level through The Intact Network, and tirelessly encouraged people to become involved. One of his frustrations regularly expressed to us was the lack of 'real life' involvement in expo-hosting across the nation when so many opportunities arose, but it is sometimes difficult to find people who will take the lead. Expos are crucial to cultural mind-change because countless individuals come into awareness and enlightenment through them, and then go on to impact their own circle of influence.

Jonathon presents the 'shame award' to the AAP in 2012 after their statement was released to support insurance funding ($$$) of the forced genital cutting of minors without medical need:

Pressing onward, in your honor. 

Bumper stickers in honor of Jonathon Conte are free while they last. ❤

Email SavingSons@gmail.com, or find them at Etsy for 95-cents (to cover Etsy fees).

Jonathon and Danelle made these bracelets for GIAW 2014 in his chosen shade - orange.

DON'T welcome him to life with a knife.

Jonathon was the friend I was talking with - working late into the night on GIAW and expo planning projects - on the night my water broke and labor started with my youngest son. 20 days later Jonathon was the first man aside from my husband to hold him - my baby boy perfect and happy as he came into this world. We still miss you dearly, sweet friend. Especially every year on this date as I'm reminded of our conversations before and after my son's birth. You were such a gentle light of encouragement through it all.  ❤ -Danelle

Educating in your honor.

Traveling GA Clothesline Onesie

Over 100 onesies hung in honor of the 100+ newborn baby boys who lose their lives to genital cutting every year in the United States.

Awareness raising stickers:

Genital mutilation isn't only forced on females.

Awareness raising sticker:

Genitals should not have unnecessary scars.